"I want to have a canopy bed in our master bedroom, but, my husband refuses to even talk about it. Can you help? —Lisa D.

Lisa, sometimes these can be very tough discussions to referee, but, let me take a stab at it.

Often couples have very non-intersecting ideas about the home that they want to live in, and frankly, it doesn't all divide exactly down gender lines. I work with several clients where the husband is actually looking to add all the more decorative details and the wife is always pulling back towards a more pared-down version of the design. So I'll tell you what I tell many of them: It's actually the marriage of those ideas that will help to create something very unique to your home.  

It's most likely all about talking things out, so let me give you a few things that should be part of any discussion with your spouse regarding design.

1. Everyone Needs to Talk About the Same Thing
I can use your situation with a canopy bed as an example. When you say canopy bed, you may only mean a four-poster bed. You might also be thinking about adding a beautiful linen drapes to the bed. Your husband could be hearing the phrase "canopy bed" and be imagining 50 yards of pink cabbage-rose printed chintz with ruffled edges and decorative trim. Whenever you're discussing design it's always a good idea to have a few inspiration images at hand just to be sure that everyone is on the same page.

2. The "Everything" or "Nothing" Syndrome
Okay, maybe you are, in fact, talking about 50 yards of pink cabbage-rose printed chintz draped from ceiling to floor surrounding your bed. Your husband might not feel comfortable awash in quite that much floral as he greets the day. See if there's a compromise somewhere in there. I certainly don't want this to turn into some kind of "nuclear disarmament talks," but, be sure that you're giving and asking at the same time.

3. Design Is About Emotion
I've always felt that the spaces we design will all have an emotional impact on a home. Everything from the paint colors we chose to the furniture layout to the china pattern can (and will) have a dramatic emotional effect on the homeowners. So sometimes it's better to talk about the emotional impact of your design directions, even more than the design itself. Though I don't have one now, I've slept in a bed draped in miles of olive green velvet. And it was marvelous. Draping a bed can give one an intense feeling of privacy and security. Beyond that they can also be amazingly romantic. So as you're talking to your husband, don't just tell him what you want to do, try to help him understand why it's important to you.

One of my favorite canopy beds is this marvelous room from Mark D. Sikes in Los Angeles. As I mentioned above, it's not swamped in miles of chintz or really with all that much floral, but, the space feels romantic and intimate. Those two words that are always a good description of a master bedroom.

Good luck!
Scot